His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
