So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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