I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
