I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
All the doctor said was why
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
