At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am available for nakedness
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
