she was so not down for the gang bang
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
