so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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