At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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