remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
be right there i have to get my cape
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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