im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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