Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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