tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
