i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
