What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
