How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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