Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
