Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
