he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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