I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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