You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
