I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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