Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize