everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
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I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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