Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
