Midget sex pt 2 tonight
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
