Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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