u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
