I can text with my tongue
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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