The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
