she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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