Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
