I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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