their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
