Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize