Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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