dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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