he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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