tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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