And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
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This show inspires me to have sex in space
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
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There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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