I wish I could teleport
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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