Im at strip club and am horny
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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