You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
