Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We need a shit load of segways right now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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