He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
