she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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