Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
