You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
how does that bad decision feel?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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