My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
