the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
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I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
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So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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