Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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