Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize