it was like his penis was on wheels.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize