I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
