Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
