All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
