I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
