smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
