Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
