Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
