i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
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I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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