You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
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Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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