Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
