I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
