I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
