You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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