i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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