At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
