You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
