I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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