She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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