Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
